About Me

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Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, California, United States
Gazing into this abyss called Life and wondering.....what's next !?!!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Big C

Interesting phenomenon....when one is given a potential death sentence, then does one begin to think about living.  I've denied my reality long enough. Tomorrow I begin treatment. I should be sleeping but my mind is racing - part fear, part excitement that I am, according to my consultation team, now on the road to healing.

The good news:
     Treatment is noninvasive.
     "It" is isolated and at a Stage 1-2 - for now.
      I'm tired mostly but nothing really hurts.
     Including surgery - which is minor considering - the 'inconvenience' of several times a week hospital/dr visits will be over by the end of this calendar year.
     Treatment is holistic meaning I am encouraged to stay active, meditate, eat/drink as I should and mostly do, use acupuncture for additional healing, clear my life of all that is useless to me, and add more time for those people/things I love. (Isn't that how we should live anyway?)
     I don't need to take off months of work, for now. My students are the highlight of my day.
     I have a lot of angels in my corner.
     I plan on being a very, very old woman who still hikes to the top of mountains - with or without grandchildren in tow.

The bad news:
     Well, I don't really have any - yet. Nor do I really expect to. Unless you want to count the cost of gas driving over an hour to the treatment center and the time it will take. I don't think my insurance covers the cost of gas....darn it.

I've shed many a tear and gnashed my teeth for a bit over this development. Now that the fog has lifted, I can clearly see the fair weather friends as they flee. And standing in their wake are those who have been quietly there all along, no matter what a putzy grouch I've been. What a gift this has become. I am finally free of trying to make anyone happy but me. I don't have to be ultra responsible for anyone any more. I don't hafta if I don't wanna.....

No photo today. And this will be the last I will ever say about this. From the moment I click send and take this weary body to bed, my Life begins.

I am starting over.

I will leave you with this great story that circulates around Facebook quite often. A friend posted it just today. Apropos, don't you think? It's a great reminder of how to balance our lives with the essentials. My only regret is that I didn't balance mine better all those years ago...


The Mayonnaise Jar and the Two Beers

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began,
 he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else---the small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

~Author unknown


desert argonauta said...

My prayers and thoughts are with you-- art and life travel many bumps and I trust this will eventually lead you to a stronger place-- you are already a VERY strong woman!!!

Krista said...

Oh,Diana,I didn't know. You will overcome this, I have no doubt. I'm sending healing thoughts your way. I may be forgetting the right word, but get rid of all the shenpah and you'll stay strong.(hopefully you know what word I'm trying for...)

Diana said...

Ah yes, shenpa! What a great word. And yes, I am definitely working on letting all the shenpa go... Thanks for reminding me of that wonderful word!

Rachel Rausch Johnson said...


Sucky news. Great attitude!


Anonymous said...

I've only recently met you, and already feel as though I've been given a gift.
Shed of my fairweather friends, I am trying to be open to it. We'll see how I do.
Peace, and continuing good health are my wishes for you, kind lady.